God put blogging in me

I know God called me back to school, he made it clear that I was to quit my job. I thought I was quitting to find something better, I even looked for jobs, but then he made it abundantly clear that i was to go back to school. I can't remember what happened, but I know my husband and I prayed over it a lot and it was exactly what He wanted. So I did. I quit my job, I applied to our local community college and off I went.

I am in my second semester and reading a lot in philosophy and God is talking a lot through it. He is also showing up in music and every where else, too. Some days I doubt, some days I don't see it or feel it and I doubt if it's there, but days like today I FEEL it. I KNOW it. He is there. He cherishes me. He has a plan for even me. I'm not athletic, I'm not musical, I'm not GREAT at anything. As a kid I was the 'odd man out'. I didn't fit in and I didn't belong to any group. How on earth could God use me. I had nothing to offer.

Interestingly enough, God put a desire in my heart, but I had no idea at the time. I sat in the pew of my church as I saw my youth leader interpret (Sing Language), the most beautiful song. I still remember the song. Breath of Heaven. Man I love that song.  Everyone loves to watch sign language. It is beautiful, it is complicated, it is powerful. When I married my husband, for our first christmas he got me sign language classes, and so began the passion. That was 6 and a half years ago. I know enough sign language to be frustrated. I am intimated by it and I use my head too much and my heart not enough. I let the self talk and self doubt talk me out of learning more... but God won't let me. He keeps bringing it back up, he keeps shouting from a mountain and if I am really honest with myself... I never feel as alive as I do when I am signing.

I keep feeling God tugging on my heart to trust him. just trust Him. The enemy blocks most strongly what God wants. I feel a road block with sign language, but that isn't from God. It's me. it's the enemy. I am scared to just take a semester to do sign language, but I feel like I NEED to. Maybe, just maybe, i'll do it.